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I’ve personally either witnessed, or experienced, those Sistas (again, NOT “all”) who act as if they’re doing you some grand gesture, by “giving you a chance” – the same Sistas who make up the client rolls of “relationship experts,” and keep the same kinds of book on the New York Times’ bestseller’s lists, bemoaning where “all the good Men have gone”; am I the only one who sees the Great Irony here?
I for one will pass on that kind of Noblese Oblige, thank you very much.
Two, not all Sistas feel that they are slumming it or dating/mating/marrying down when paired off with a Blue Collar Brotha.
And three, as many Sistas rightly assert, not all Blue Collar Brothas are the salt of the proverbial earth – many do indeed have problems, ranging from Baby Mama Drama, to drug, alcohol, mental and emotional problems, to anger management issues, poor money managing skills, you name it.
While this kind of news is a bit of a shock to our White brothers and sisters, it is by no means anything new to us Brothas and Sistas – indeed, it has been the broken record soundtrack of many of our lives, at least mine.
If I had a dollar for every time I’d seen, heard or read from or about Sistas being in the unenviable position of having it all except an “equal” who was “on their level” I’d never again have to work anywhere.
Hence the anywhere from 3-6 to 1 Sista to Brotha ratio at various “meet market” events, designed to ostensibly bring the two together; many Brothas rightly reason that there is precious little to be gained in turning out for such gatherings, only to run headlong into Sistas who turn their noses up as if a stink bomb had just gone off – and only when all other options have been exhausted for these ladies.
Please, don’t take my word for it – do up a Google search or two yourself.
That’s what I did for the better part of my Labor Day last year, and after hours of searching turned up… Part of the reason Why I Write, is to be one of those voices, that never make The Root or The Grio or Madame Noire; that never makes it to the umpteen panels where these kinds of topics are discussed; or, God forbid, such august forums and venues like .
Simply put, Blue Collar Guys like me, have been and continue to be talked about but never talked to; we’re stereotyped and objectified, seen as the oh-so-awesome You Go Grrl’s “Plan D,” often their last stop on the way to Verified Spinstahood.
Just as many do so, with children involved from previous unions.
And I would never presume to tell another man what he should or should not do in such circumstances; it has long my my stance that it is for every man to decide for himself what his life will be, romantic or otherwise.
And for other Sistas, those who are coming out of failed marriages, often with kids (and a goodly bit of weight) in tow, we’re the guys “they should have met” lo those many years ago.